Date Night Study Hall - Children

5 Cs of Marriage – Covenant, Communication, Conflict, Closeness and Children 

RECAP:  Closeness
Ruth and Boaz – Closeness cannot be demanded but can be given/restarted any time.
Five Love Languages, with emphasis on Physical Touch and Quality Time.

Children (The Occupants of the House)

Mary and Joseph


Matthew 1:18-25

What do Joseph and Mary sacrifice for Jesus?  What do we sacrifice for our children? 


When is the right time to have children?  Perhaps like when God made the world; enough love between the Persons that it spills over into something new.  Love loves unworthy things.

The spiritual effect of children is selflessness, turned up to 11.

St. Augustine and rightly ordered love – first spouse then child.

Parenting isn’t an innate trait.  We must seek out wisdom to become better parents (excellent book called Nurture Shock).

Communicating love to children – all five languages.  Balancing discipline (Hebrews 12:5-9) and compassion (James 2:13).

Vision for your children; who do you want them to become?  Unspoken assumptions can cause conflict or simply misshape our children.  Even an armchair needs a design plan!

The Blessing – did you receive this?  How are you passing on the blessing to your children?  Book by John Trent called The Blessing.



What else is Jesus to Mary and Joseph?  More than a child; he is their life’s mission.  He is not technically Joseph’s son, but has the importance of one of his children.

Not every marriage will have kids, and even if you do, eventually those children will move out (we hope!).  Your mission may be your children for a time but they will not be the only mission of your marriage.


1.  Adopted Relationships

2.  Adopted Causes

3.  Career Causes

4.  Community Centered

Writing a marriage mission statement.  Seek ye first the kingdom of God!

“If God spare our lives, …”  What is your dot-dot-dot?


Children:  Finding your mission

1.     If you have children or grandchildren in the home, reflect on your vision for their lives.  Get into the details; who do you want them to become?  Then place that vision somewhere visible so it can remind you for what you’re striving.

2.     Consider one way you might do some “continuing education” in the parenting department.

3.     What is the value of having a shared marriage mission? 

4.     What are some components of your family mission?  What components are you lacking that you’d like to see added?

5.     Work on writing your marriage mission statement.  Take your time and don’t rush the process.  Once you have a statement, place it somewhere that you can both see on a regular basis.